Chapter 2017 {Page 1}

(These Chapters posts may get long. Just FYI!)

I fell asleep before 10pm on New Year’s Eve, and woke up right at 12am, to fireworks somewhere outside. I spent a few hours not feeling well, but that’s my own fault for not having any will power when it comes to caffeine and cookies. The kids are still at my mom’s. It’s getting a little weird, not having them around. The house is too quiet and I’m spending far too much time watching TV. I’m not a napper, so other than doing chores around the house, there’s not much to do.

I’m trying something new – writing every night. I tried this a few years ago with a notebook, but I didn’t get too far. This time, I put some paper in a binder, but it didn’t feel right. I am always on my phone, or have my laptop handy, (and that’s a whole different post) so why not just type it out?

I got a coffee this morning (yes, one of the things I need to stop doing) and used a reward to get a breakfast sandwich. Then I came home and started episode 4 of Poldark. (I ended up finishing Season 1, but I’m not sure if I liked it enough to buy Season 2.)

I put the tree and stockings away. We don’t have any other decorations, not like my sister’s house, which it still covered floor to ceiling in Christmasy things. The tree is sitting in a bin in the kitchen. I’m not sure what to do with it. It never fits back in the box, and a plastic ‘tree box’ almost costs more than the tree itself. I’ll probably just end up putting it in some garbage bags and taking it to the storage unit, until we decide to clean that heckhole out.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my #onelittleword for 2017: Courageous. About what it will mean for me in the next year. Courageous would have been an awesome word for me in 2015 (I chose Attitude, though) because I did a lot of things I had been too afraid to do, like moving to a new state and moving back within the year, learning how to drive, homeschooling, giving up homeschooling and re-enrolling the kids in public school.

But for this year? I don’t know if I’ll need to be brave. I don’t know why Courageous is my word, but it just seemed like the right one. I do have some dreams I’d like to reach, such as writing a book. The thought terrifies me. I guess I also need to get a handle on my anxiety and depression, which means actually going to my appointment (I couldn’t go to it in October – literally couldn’t get out of the car) and possibly getting medication.

Being Courageous also means getting outside more this summer. I spent too many days saying no to my kids, because I couldn’t bring myself to get out of the house. Going to the parks with the kids alone, going to out breakfast or lunch, going to sports games, taking them to the lake, the fair, the farm. I am so used to having Tim go everywhere with me and the kids, because for so long, I couldn’t drive. That all changed in August 2015, while we lived in Montana, but sometimes I still freeze up thinking about taking my kids anywhere.

Anyway, that’s enough whining from me for one day. I am watching MARS, on FX. It’s a little boring, because I am used to alien movies about Mars. I’m still waiting for some creature to pop out on this show. The kids come home tomorrow, and it’s back to Sofia, Doc McStuffins and Elena of Avalor. Oh, and Daniel Tiger. Can’t forget Daniel Tiger.

Happy New Year!

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