Chapter 2017 {Page 25}

**not a happy post**

So much has happened in the past few days (not to my immediate family at this moment) but to the country and really, the world. I don’t know what to say about any of it, because no matter what, it will piss someone off.

I guess the only thing I do want to say is: Lauren’s life, health, education and future are going to be directly affected, and soon. Lauren, and millions of others with special needs/disabilities. They (and their families) have to fight so hard, every single day to prove they belong in the world – that they are human beings with feelings and value. They have to prove they deserve rights, just like everyone else.

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It’s really all I think about these days. I don’t sleep much anymore. How can I? When your child is threatened, how do you concentrate on anything else?

And for people who tell me not to worry about the future – back off. I’m doing the best I can with what I’m given. I have to worry about Lauren’s future – people with disabilities, their futures require planning. You start planning early. You have no choice. I can’t just hope Lauren will find her way when she moves on to middle school in a year and a half, and the teachers will treat her with respect and follow her IEP.

You may not be directly affected by the changes in the country, but millions of others are. And we’re terrified. We feel helpless, especially those of us without a supportive community.

Maybe tomorrow will look brighter. But I think those days are gone.

Chapter 2017 {Page 23}

I spent an hour or so at Starbucks today, trying to write. It was a huge fail, again. I love the idea of coffee shops, but it’s just not working out. Maybe it’s just THAT coffee shop. I don’t know.

Hannah had a donut for breakfast today, and then a bowl of cereal. Her current favorite is Cinnamon Frosted Flakes. She’s been asking to go to ‘The Kitchen’ (library) for awhile, so we are planning on going tomorrow morning. She hates story time (and just being around other kids in general) but we go, and we try. That’s all I can ask of her at age 3.

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It’s National Reading Day, so the kids read all of their library books to each other. Even Lauren read some of a Curious George book. Avery read us all Orion and the Dark, which was a big hit (and a book that we will be purchasing for our home library!)

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(forgive the poorly-colored photos. wordpress doesn’t like decent-looking pictures.)

Chapter 2017 {Page 19}

I spent a few hours at Starbucks this morning, trying to get some writing done. Turns out, it’s more chaotic and noisy there than it is at my house. I guess I’m not meant to be one of those cool writers who sit at coffee shops and churn out hundreds of words an hour. I only got 306 words in today, but I set up a new site (B A Harding) and scrolled Pinterest for things to fill it with (like what do authors blog about, other than the books they are writing?)

We tried to go sledding today, since it was 43*, but the snow was too sticky. So the kids decided to have a snowball fight on the playground.

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The kids watched another episode of Just Add Magic and had some popcorn, since it’s National Popcorn Day. Then Tim brought home some ice cream, so they each had to have a bowl of that. Bedtime was a little bit later than usual, but eh. Life is short.

Now it’s only 9pm and I’m already falling asleep at the keyboard. Tomorrow is a new day – a dark day – but we shall survive.

Chapter 2017 {Page 18}

Hannah always come in at 6:40 and says, “It’s morning! I slept in my own bed!” It’s a good thing we have to get up at 6:45, otherwise I would make her go back to bed.

Hannah and I did four loads of laundry today. Why they have so many clothes, I don’t know. I try to put some away, but then it doesn’t seem like they have enough. I can ‘t wait for summer, when they can just wear shorts and t-shirts all the time. And no socks. Ugh. Socks.

We went sledding after school today with my sister’s kids. They all had fun and no one got hurt, surprisingly, since the crashed into each other quite often.

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We had to wander around the store tonight, wasting time, so we found some clearance snow pants for Lauren (with the straps, so they will stay on) and some clear storage bins, also on clearance. Since it’s supposed to be rainy and icky this weekend, I plan on having the kids sort out all of their toys into bins – Barbies, Littlest Pet Shop/Ponies, Doc and Elsa stuff. I also bought a stuffed animal holder a few weeks ago that I never put up. After all the stuff they got for Christmas, it’s just so overwhelming they don’t even know what to play with.

I’m watching Taboo on FX right now. The first episode. I’ve heard good things about it, and I like Tom Hardy in most things, but I’m not sure about this one. It seems way better than The Boring Executioner though.

I didn’t get any writing done tonight, after my 1500-word day yesterday. Oh, well. It’s not like I have an editor or publisher to answer to, although sometimes I wish I did. Having a real deadline might make me take it seriously most days.

We only have one more nice day before the rain and snow start, so we plan on picking both kids up from school again tomorrow (Lauren usually rides the bus) to go sledding one more time. Judging by the 15-day forecast, it looks like we may be on the upswing for temps though, so that makes me happy. I’m already tired of winter. I was sick of it way back on Nov 18, when we got 12″ of snow two days after having temps in the 70s.

I can barely keep my eyes open, so I’m headed to bed. Night!

(I really need to get my s*** together with Project Life. I’m already two weeks behind…)

Chapter 2017 {Page 17}

The kids finally went back to school today. I mean, it was only one day off, but that really messes with Lauren’s attitude about being home. She can handle Saturday and Sunday. But an extra day (or week? Spring break is coming up) that’s just too much. 

I wrote 1500 words of a story I started last year and haven’t touched since October. I also sent part of it in somewhere to be read so we’ll see what comes of that. 

Following the hearings on Twitter is just…I can’t believe this is our reality now. It’s like a bad movie that never ends. 

Anyway, more sledding tomorrow after school. More temps above freezing tomorrow. More writing tomorrow. 

Now I’m going to try to get Hannah to go to bed. She took a late nap (car nap couldn’t be avoided) so now she’s wired. I’m not though. Sigh. 

Chapter 2017 {Page 16}

So it’s been a week since I last posted. Honestly. it’s been really quiet around here. Below zero temps, runny noses, unpleasant side effects from meds, and an extreme need to get outside.

On the plus side, the temps are heading up to 30*+ this week, so we will be outside as much as possible, even if the kids just have to run down the sidewalk by our house for five minutes. We plan on going sledding later this afternoon, after lunch (Costco frozen cheese pizzas! Add some bacon – OMG. Yum.)

I marinated a huge pork roast overnight in a fajita marinade. It’s now sitting on four colors of peppers and an onion in the crock pot and smells SO GOOD. I can’t wait for dinner tonight!

Hannah is currently watching the new episodes of Daniel Tiger. She’s been asking every day when they will be on, and when the strawberry and fireworks episodes will be back. (We only have the PBS Kids app on Roku, so we only get 5 episodes at a time.)

***

We went sledding. Not at the hill everyone else uses (hello Death Hill!) but at a smaller, more kids-friendly hill across the street. Next time, I’m bringing a chair. The kids handled this like pros, so all I needed to do was supervise and occasionally yell, “Watch out for that tree!” We plan on going back later this week when it’s supposed to be close to 40*. I’ll have to dig my camp chair out of storage.

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And the dinner I was so excited about? I think I let it cook too long, or didn’t put enough seasoning in, so it just kind of tasted like pork roast. Oh well, the leftovers will be good. All I have to do for dinner tomorrow night is make some potatoes. Boom. Done.

The kids are on their iPads right now, because we’re all tired and it’s not quite bedtime.

Update on my spots: arms are so much better. Legs are coming along nicely, and the rest? Meh. It’s ok. It’s only been a week, so I’d say this is progress.

Back to the routines tomorrow. Have a great week!

Diagnosed

This morning, I finally had my skin disease diagnosed: guttate psoriasis. It was most likely triggered by the horrible case of strep I had back in November. That’s when the spots really took off. I really love my dermatologist! (Lauren had one too, in Kalispell, and she was also amazing.)

I was prescribed methotrexate, Folic Acid and a steroid cream. She said since the spots cover more than just my arms and legs, the cream won’t help by itself. So I will take 6 methotrexate pills once a week until I go back in a month. Then she will re-assess my spots and see if I can be done, or if I need a higher dose. She said this may be a clear cut case, or it may have already developed into chronic psoriasis. If that’s the case, I will have it forever, and will need a different course of treatment for flare-ups. I also need blood work once a month to check liver levels.

Sometimes, it goes away on its own. My case is super stubborn and has been resistant to all of my home remedies.

I’m a little nervous taking the methotrexate, but if my brother can be on it for months at a time for leukemia, than I can handle it for a few months for stupid skin spots.

Chapter 2017 {Page 7}

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Today, my #OneLittleWord got me in a big way. (I talk about my word at the end of this post.) I decided last minute to just brave up and take the kids to the library (after we had donuts for breakfast). We spent an hour there, but only ten minutes of it was actually picking out books. The rest was spent playing with the kitchen set. (Why does a library have so many toys?) The kids picked out a few books each, and I had to bribe them when we got home so they would read.

I LOVE reading. I always have. I used to stay up most of the night reading. I would lean over my sister’s bed (I was on the top bunk) so my book was illuminated by the night light. I’d sneak books in class, read during lunch, on the long bus rides to and from school.

My kids did not inherit my love for reading. That makes me sad. There is nothing better than reading a good book after an exhausting day. I’ve gone wrong somewhere in my nine years of parenting where my kids would rather watch a screen than read a page.

Anyway. After we had lunch, we went to wander Costco (my sister asked us to go since she didn’t have her kids.) The kids had just about every sample (even turkey bacon and veggie muffins) then we went back to her house where she made her famous cookies. (We also made awesome Costco pork chops for a late lunch. Yum.)

I’m not super happy with this post, but I’ll publish it anyway.

Chapter 2017 {Page 6}

Beth Hardinger Blog

It’s that time again. Where I sit and write a bunch of words that no one reads. And that’s ok. It’s not like I’m someone important. I’m mostly doing this to see if I can finish something. My goal is to make it to January 31, with a post each day. Then take it month by month. It’s like the 31 Days challenge in October, only this is…365 days.

Anyway, potty training didn’t go as well today. She woke up crabby, since she went to bed late. She very sternly told me she wasn’t wearing underwear today, and she didn’t. But she didn’t have any accidents, so that’s good. I’m not going to push her. Avery pretty much potty trained herself just after her 3rd birthday, so I’m just gonna let Hannah do her thing.

We had homemade pizza for dinner tonight and it was awesome. We used pizza dough (instead of the Rhodes Bread Dough we usually use) and it makes such a difference. The only thing I missed having on it was bacon, but I didn’t feel like going to the store just for that.

I was going to take the kids to the library tomorrow, by myself, but I’m already having little anxiety attacks about it. Trying to keep them all quiet and in one spot? Getting them to actually pick out books instead of playing with the tons of toys the library has? I don’t know. I just want to be that normal mom who can take her kids places without having a meltdown. I think it’s kind of the weather’s fault too, since I have slightly less anxiety about it in the summer.

Monday, I have my dermatology appointment. I’m afraid they are just going to tell me I have really dry skin and to just buy more lotion. But maybe it really is something, and they can help me. Otherwise I will have a very miserable summer in sweatshirts and jeans. No way am I wearing shorts or anything when I look like I have leprosy.

It’s bedtime for the kids and we are trying to have Hannah go to bed at the same time. It works perfectly some nights, but other nights, she just stalls and stalls until I go to bed at 10. And she had a nap today (in the car, while waiting to get the kids from school). They need to get outside and run. I wish Brainerd had some kind of activity center that didn’t cost a million dollars. We have a jump place, but the kids get tired of jumping after about ten minutes. Not worth the money.

I’m thinking about doing something unheard of (for me). I’m thinking about planning out my novel. I know. It’s crazy. But clearly, being a pantser isn’t working. I need to sit down with a pen and paper and think about how I want this novel to go. Maybe then I won’t spend hours staring at a blank screen wondering what to make my characters do next.

I also started a FB group for writer support and encouragement. It’s pretty small right now (just me and a friend I met blogging years ago) but if it’s something you think you’d like, feel free to join.

I kind of miss taking pictures. It’s so dark in my house, and while I have a DSLR and decent lens, it can only do so much. I also miss taking photos with my phone. But until Apple acknowledges that there’s a problem with the focusing and quality, it won’t get fixed.

Happy Weekend!

I’m linking up to a friend’s blog today. Go visit her and enter to win an awesome book!